Memories...

Her deep eyes carry the storm of memories,
when she closes them, the memories cause a sweet destruction….

She wants to calm the storm,
her body turns cold and eyes warm...

The faint smile on her face doesn’t hide it all,
some tears she drink and some still fall…

The angels shall give her their wings; for this is the last fall,
She’d again glow...it would rain…taking away all the pain...

The storm will fade out taking her to a place,
where she’d again dance with the cool breeze blowing across her face... 

........

I m gliding on a bull,
raging towards the light of darkness.

The water splashes make me transparent,

revealing my soul.

The roughness of my skin might scratch your hand,
let my wind blow....leaving behind the dirty sand

The ashes of my heart will burn your world,

For you left me, unsaid and unheard!

Shall I cry or shall I die?

Will I feel the terror? Zuuuuuuuuuuuuup….the question crosses my mind and I go blank. 

There is a flashback.

The deafening silence is quickly replaced by the echo of those hundreds of innocent people crying, whose fate was decided by me, with a remote control in my hand. I am responsible for 13 blasts, in which 234 people have been officially reported dead. 13, as they say is unlucky, proven correct, for me at least.

That night, it was a little darker and a little colder than usual. I could not see my own body. I planted the bomb. Suddenly the whole area lit up by the golden coloured, dark energized, fire. Boom it went and I could see people melting. The aroma merged with the fumes, and I could smell the human scent. I was used to all this. I could see torn bodies and blood graffiti all around. A little bone with flesh around it fell on my foot. It was a tiny hand. It felt as if it was seeking my blessings. The multicoloured band around that little wrist absorbed all the colours of my life.


My 3 year old daughter was dismantled. The word family got erased from my dictionary as I went sniffing everywhere, searching for the remains of my daughter and my wife. My clothes were drenched in the fragrance of my daughter’s hand as I held on to it, for it seemed to be the only part of her left with me. I was dejected and broken. The guilt started to overpower me. For once in my life, I felt the same pain and the feeling of being helpless like the common man, when there is a bomb blast. I wanted to rid myself of the guilt, it was too overpowering, and although killing myself was the easiest solution, I just did not want to die in an easy fashion.


Today, I have injected myself with some drug which has paralyzed me physically; however, I can still feel. I see the train advancing towards me with all the hatred in the world for me. I am going to die every moment till the time I’m dead. My heart beat starts to pump up, I start sweating. She comes and goes through another track. It was a close call.

And I've got the answer to the question that once hounded my mind as I terrorised the world around me.


Yes, I feel terror struck for the first time, lying on the railway track. I guess this is what I deserve, or maybe even worse...

Mrs Lot-Pot

This is a story of an MOTI EMO GOAT,

She was always sad coz her parents named her LOT-POT.

She was a loner, living inside the walls of RED FORT,

Coming to her physical appearance, she was seductive with her TAMATARI RED HOTE(lips)

Being an emo goat, she always wore a BLACK COAT,

and always dreamt of being a lawyer in SUPREME COURT.

One day, isnpierd by the movie MINORITY REPORT,

she jumped into politics and asked for VOTES.

Being a dry fruit lover, her voting symbol was AKHROT,

she lost the elections as people din’t SUPPORT.

She was depressed and speachless like an UNWELL THROAT,

She lost her senses and tried flying a BOAT.

But as she was moti, the boat couldn’t FLOAT,

She fell down and use lagi dimagi CHOT.

She realised she worthless like a CELL-LESS REMOTE,

Finally she jumped into her father’s business of IMPORT & EXPORT OF PASSPORT.

And happily admitted, that she was rightly named Mrs LOT-POT.

GOD HONORS ME...more...

I was a soul, in god's custody. I was swimming in an ocean of souls when somebody tried to catch me with a net of thoughts. My free flow was interrupted. I could hear them praying to god. I was familiar with this voice. They were humans demanding for my custody. Other souls around me had a mixed bag of emotions. Some were excited and some were tensed. Concocted clouds of euphoria and despair formed a cluster over me. I got heavily drenched in the rain of confusion. I knew, the time had come to lose myself and go on an eternal search of realizing myself and in the pursuit of mysticism. God showered his blessings, as my mystical journey as a human being began.

I could feel sensations all over my body. It got over in a while and doctor confirmed my mom that she was pregnant. A joyous scream, and I was taken aback. The words of my fellow souls appeared right in front of my eyes. I thought that I was caged inside a dark mass of flesh. It was suffocating like a cloggy pipe. The sounds of some complex heavy machinery terrorized me. It was like living near a busy freeway. Yes, I was inside the womb...

A tear of happiness rolled out of my dad’s eye when he got the news. My mom drank that tear and that was the first drop of liquid which quenched my human thirst. It was a pure bliss. All my anxiety and terror blazed away within no time. It was like somebody injected me the drug - HUMAN LOVE.

My mom’s heart pumped a fragrance of warmth and tranquility which quickly filled the dark palace like the smoke of cannabis. Now, we could feel each other. I used to dance on the beats of her heart.
The time just flew like time. I blinked my eyes and there was a flashback of those 8 months 27 days 6 hours and 47 minutes which i had spent in her womb till date. My mom and dad had drawn my portrait. It was my time to iron my mom’s wrinkled womb. I was dying to come out, splash a bucket of love on them and paint their life.

It was a Sunday afternoon and I was eating tamarind inside her cosy womb. The door bell rang. My mom had a tensed question mark blinking on her forehead as she saw a few roughly familiar faces that she had been running away from the past 10 months. The only thing common between my mom and them was that they all had the same blood gushing through their veins and shared the same DNA structure. Yes, they were my grandfather and grandmother. Evan a thought of their existence gave my mom goosebumps. She always used to get frightened thinking of their infuriated expression at the time when they promised to slaughter my dad if she married him, as they both belonged to a different caste.

But that day, there wasn’t any scowl or a sign of outrage on the old wrinkled face of my grandfather and grandmother. Everything appeared in perfect synchronisation. They hugged my mom and dad. I blew a kiss to them and bent further to seek their blessings when something went across my chest. The feeling was radiantly lugubrious. We three fell down respecting gravity. The crease of dishonour and disrespect disappeared from the faces of those, who gave a face to my mom. For them, our blood washed the stain of dishonour brought upon the family by my mom, for she had an inter-caste marriage.


On one hand, our souls converged and became one mixing with the collective conscious and on the other hand, there was a sight of chopped pieces of our bodies along with the thick red sauce forming a delta which was harrowing.

PSYCHONAUT IN PURSUIT OF MYSTICISM...

I went with my friends to a very serene place called BHANDARDHARA . It is 200 km from Mumbai. It’s a blend of natural beauty, waterfalls, mountains, tranquility, greenery, invigorating air and pristine ambiance. As the sun set, the place started to appear more alluring. The serenity gave me the confidence to go and try something I was always skeptical about.
I didn’t know if it was a right move, but I had a dose of *** at 10pm, the strongest PSYCHEDELIC SHIT known to the mankind. We put the speakers on and started playing trance and psychedelic music. After 15-20 minutes, I gazed at the lonely moon. It suddenly got another dimension to it and I could see it in 3-D. It appeared to me as a white color Jupiter or a big cheese ball. It was strange. I thought that my trip was on.
However, 1.5 hour passed and all I could feel was the moon changing its dimensions and walls breathing. I went in my room and started listening to Shiva tracks on my mobile and concentrating on a psyche bulb. I felt dizzy and went off to sleep at 12:30. After about half an hour, a chill ran down my spine and I got up. I was full of energy. It was chilly, so I took a blanket and went outside wearing 2 sweatshirts. But still, I was not really in the groove. I was expecting a lot more. I asked my friend for another dose. He asked me to wait for some more time. We were sitting beside the bone-fire. I was looking at a bulb hanging on the other side of the lake and it was grabbing my attention. I saw up and the sky was full of clouds. Also, the moon had started to glide in the air (for me). 
My friend gave me another dose of ***. It really triggered me. I could see wheels of fire coming out of the bonfire. My friends appeared ghosts to me. They were hell scary with sunken eyes. But I consoled myself that it is my trip and I am bound to see things like this. 
Suddenly I stopped feeling shivery and removed my clothes and was only in my shorts. The senses ceased to function in the normal way and started to work in a more intense way. I was on LEVEL 5 of psychedelic experience. I sat in a Samadhi position and started to focus on the bulb on the other side of the lake on the mountain. I could see LORD RUDRA in it. I closed my eyes and tried to connect to him. I could see him calling me for a spiritual journey…a dark journey towards enlightenment. I opened my eyes and saw a dark shadow of SHIVA waterside asking me to join him. 
I told my friends that I am leaving my body and going with SHIVA, so take care of it. I wanted to explore my inner self, the life on this planet, spirits, soul and the mysteries. I concentrated and saw MY SOUL, a yellow light shining with orange, blue, red and green color surrounding it. I started flying with SHIVA. My mind started to open up. I was literally unbuttoning it and expanding it. The mind space was increasing. However, I would lose my concentration in between and see if everything was fine around me. The touch of sand and the wood ash was as smooth as a melted chocolate. I did taste the sand and wood ash. My friends were staring at me but I really didn’t care. I lost Shiva because of diverting again and again.
I tried looking for him when a soul came and took me back on the journey. This time, I could see millions of souls traveling from one universe to another. All were glowing. It was a visual treat. Even I started flying with them. There was no time dimension to it. All were heading towards SHIVA, the source of energy. 
I felt new. I could see the soul opening and SHIVA inside it. Breathing in was like taking in the fire and breathing out was like exhaling it. I was learning to control the fire and the energy. And I was lying on the sand. I could feel snakes and various other creatures crossing my body but it hardly bothered me as I was having an out of body experience and a realization that this body is nothing, my identity is my soul. I could see colors all around me. The time was almost still. I was going through a learning process and a cleansing process. 
I saw SHIVA dancing. I saw somebody calling me (soul) by the nameTEE’LU…and I was falling back while sitting in the Samadhi position. My soul was all golden when a friend of mine came near me and gave me negative vibes. I could see myself going black and so, I decided to stay away from him. The space in mind kept expanding all the time.
The layers were opening up. I was unlocking the mysteries. Death seemed like a child’s play that time. I had heard of all this till date. But this was the realization phase. I could see my brain unclogging itself. Subconscious mind was booming. I could see the sky full of stars when they were actually not there. 100’s of thoughts were rushing in my mind every second. I had an altered state of consciousness.
The sky turned red, green, blue all in a fraction of second. I let go all my thoughts and was ready for a change. Then I had UNION with SHIVA in a velvety red sky with loads of fireworks in the air. Many other souls were having sex with SHIVA there. The pleasure could not be quantified. I could feel SHIVA. I was figuring out that how could we use 100% of our brain. And the answer was our brain is connected to the universe. We can store the information anywhere as everything is connected. Everything is one. I could see the air. It was white in color and blowing hard.
I(soul) rested on a golden mountain with fellow souls and energized myself. Don’t know how many layers of universe I crossed. The souls were shining there. But I knew, I have to go back to my body. 
The moon slowly started to go down and came the dawn time. We started playing Anoushka Shankar’s tracks. The music was never so captivating. Every string registered to the core of the brain and I saw the rising of the sun…and my REBIRTH. There were rainbows all around. It was B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L. I felt my body. I could disintegrate myself anytime from the body and then re-unite. I was free from all the bonds. I didn’t have a face, rather the whole body was assembling back. No pressure and burden, free to do anything. I lost all the dual personality. There was an ego death. I felt so fresh in the morning. Everything was new.
I was all done with my spiritual experiences by 7’o clock in the morning. I called up my mom and told her all my experiences. Now it was the time for a fun trip. I decided to go in my childhood days. It was a lot of fun. I saw glimpses of myself growing up and recollected many school and college incidents. I was dancing with my friend in a world full of butterflies, flowers and rainbows. We were flying on a dragon. There were lights and plants glowing all around us and dancing with us. The Time passed and it was 9’o clock and I was still wandering in another world.
We decided to go back. While going back in the car, I started to feel claustrophobic. The roads were zigzag and I felt as if the mountains were connected with narrow tracks and we were speeding on it. I was feeling hell scary. The trees were looking like dragons and I could feel the negativity. It was a very tough time, but I consoled myself and managed to be normal for those 3 hours. I reached back home and went to sleep. After getting up, I was all fine.
However, all that has got permanently registered in my mind. It was not just a trip, but a handshake with the reality. I still have that orange point in my head that I call NIRVANA and it gives me immense pleasure when I focus on it. I feel NEW. All my senses are a bit sharper and I feel I have a better understanding about the things around me. I feel the SPACE. 
This was a journey of a PSYCHONAUT IN PURSUIT OF MYSTICISM… and he succeeded.

*Distorted Dreams*

I thought I was complete
Had my tree’s shade blocking me from the scorching heat.
In her presence, my dark roads were again lightened,
Felt so fortunate to have a blend of pearl & diamond.


I actually had someone held my hand
Accepted the water along with sand
I felt the world through her heart,
Our soul was one and no one could do us apart


I was the kohl of her eyes,
Through them, everything appeared paradise.
She gripped me like a teddy bear,
Vivified me, losing her became my biggest fear.


The fear turned into reality soon,
The night faded, what left alone was moon
Though so many stars supported me around,
But died to hear, the night’s sound


Her memories are my most treasured possession
Which probe me to look for some unanswered questions?

THOSE ROMANTIC WALKS
THOSE TOUCHY AND SENTI TALKS
THE GETTING WET IN THE RAIN
MEETING EACH OTHER AND GOING INSANE
LISTENING TO SOFT SONGS AND CRYING
LOVING EACH OTHER AND STILL DENYING
THOSE COMMITMENTS, THOSE PROMISES,
ILLOGICAL ARGUMENTS AND SUDDEN KISSES
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS AND CORNER SEATS OF THE MOVIE HALL
THAT MATCH MAKING AND HUNDRED’S OF MISSED CALLS
GIVING ARCHIES STUFF TOYS FROM POCKET MONEY
ADDRESSING WITH WORDS LIKE JAAN & HONEY


What do all these acts show?
Was I an object of use-n-throw?


If the feelings and emotions are just so fake,
Why do people put their life at stake?


To me, it appears like sugar-coated spinach,
Its first half is sweet, but the end is DITCH!!!